April 11, 2020
*UNSETTLING IMAGES AHEAD*
You Have Been Warned…
Horror movies are the best genre of movies, in my opinion. Sure, sometimes real life can be horrific enough, but there are some successful horror films out there. For those of you who are not entirely familiar with the two groups that horror movies fall under, allow me to educate you. Group number one consists of original horror movies, pertaining to the theme of originality. Group number two consists of clichés. I’m not going to give you a run-down of the original plots, because if I do, someone will see it and it will become a cliché. For entertainment and educational purposes, I’ve decided to compile a list of horror movie clichés for your perusal.
You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it. Your mother has seen it. Rosemary’s baby has seen it. Many horror movies put us through the same kind of cringe worthy wave of events. We inevitably see someone being chased by a serial killer/ghost/loud noise. The someone in question usually ends up running up the nearest staircase as opposed to running out of the front door: the sensible choice.
The “Haunted House”
Another exhausted theme amongst otherwise respectable horror movies. The haunted house. Oh, yeah! We’re going down that road. An unsuspecting/ignorant/young/delusional/vulnerable family movies into a new house. I’ve got some bad news here. That house isn’t new, it’s secondhand. Anyway, for reasons that are unbelievably far-fetched, the family finds themselves inheriting some kind of vague demonic entity. Common reasons for this occurrence include:
Demons wanting to eat the souls of impoverished children.
Demons wanting to tear apart a family that they literally met five seconds ago.
Demons hating on single mothers.
Demons haunting the town and singling out one house on the block in particular. To this day scientists and real estate agents still can’t find out why this happens.
The “Thing in the Mirror”
Look, this is a bit of a controversial subject, but we have to venture in. Have you ever found yourself sitting on the very edge of your seat when a character in a horror movie goes into a room with a mirror? That’s because we expect to see some unsightly creature leap out of the mirror, especially if a character is entering the bathroom. Thankfully, some horror movies have spared us this sort of torture. Unfortunately, other horror movies really do send unsightly creatures leaping out of the mirror. The said mirror is usually an antique from a crummy charity store. To this day, antique specialists cannot figure out how fancy mirrors are ending up in the same store as books with torn covers.
We all have that one friend who claims to hate kids because they’re “creepy”. Do you know the psychology behind this? It’s because they can’t get the sound of creepy little kids on the playground chanting “one, two, Freddy’s coming for you” out of their heads. I’m not sure what’s worst here, the fact that little kids are singing in creepy voices in a movie, or the fact that adults actually end up taking this seriously.
The “Hero Complex Character”
There’s always a character in a horror movie with a hero complex. They’re always willing to throw themselves into dire situations to save the side characters that we don’t care about that much. The hero usually finds themselves screaming out the words “run” or “go” dramatically. Being a hero sadly comes with a price; no one listens to you. The other characters don’t run, and if they do they end up tripping on a branch/shoe lace/severed limb/chainsaw.
The “Creepy Old Person“
We always encounter a creepy old person in a horror movie. This old person is either evil in its purest form, or someone with immense knowledge. If they’re extremely evil, they probably live until the end of the movie. In my opinion that’s realistic in comparison to real life. If they happen to be overflowing with knowledge, they will die. To this day, medical professionals cannot figure out how or why someone with an above average IQ was idiotic enough to summon up the dead, hoping that lighting sage on fire would be enough to save them.
The “Jump Scares”
I feel like we can end things off here, before I go into a full blown rant. Jump scares ruin horror movies. No one wants to see some type of deformed mythical creature jumping out of its hiding place to greet the audience. Leave some mystery behind, you know? Just because it’s a low budget film doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to do things like this.
If you are in the process of making a horror movie, please do not make me suffer through almost two hours of scenes I’ve already seen in other movies. Also, if you’re going to try to make your opening credits look extra spooky, but it turns out looking like alphabet soup; I will get up and leave.
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